Wanna identify your stalker?

Wanna identify your stalker? Any metric-check can give you a profile analyser, so you can see the hectic people hiding on your social media.

Can you imagine paying good money for such a thing, only to discover you have no stalkers? There goes your fragile ego.

Truth is, as long as your provenance is on point, you have no reason to doubt yourself. No problem if you have an interesting employment history, a daring love life and well-connected friends. Then who cares if invisible people don’t obsess about who you are online?

I once did dinner at an amazing pad that had the obligatory koi pond at its entrance. With the pond half inside and half out, the fish were supposed to be the picture of tranquility. But they had grown so fat (their owner was a big feeder) that they were revolting, hyperactive and disruptive. She wanted to sell them on, and was looking for a collector who’d pay the fat price.

Oversized koi get stressed and sick. Wallowing in their own waste, they become bad karma, a sin when biophilic elements are considered part of a serene life.

One hot night the pump shut down and the koi died. She posted it on Facebook. An online stalker alerted an internet animal protection group, and she was cancelled by the people who stood for fishes’ rights.

It’s a complicated time to say you care if you aren’t going to do the work.

#fringetheartist