Who wants to go steady

Who wants to go steady with a meme? If I was single I’d refuse to date someone who calls themselves an influencer, although I also wanted to go viral somewhere along the way.

If I was a morpheme (correct term for the smallest unit of sound in speech) I’d play Padel all day, Instagram my food at night and then move to online gaming at midnight, with my invisible friends, in a virtual castle. I really don’t know what else kids do. And, how the hell do they learn the words of every new song?

I once tried to learn a rap by Snoop Dog so I could sing along, and it was virtually impossible. I was so out of breath I nearly fainted. It was one track only (Drop it Like it’s Hot), and I had to keep rapping it almost every day the whole day for almost a week, to make it stick.

Actually, now that I think of it, life today is like a night of bad Karaoke. We need a screen to keep in time to the music. We need an audience to love us for who we are, even when we’re pathetic and out of tune.

I once won a bottle of tequila in a tin, with embossed pictures on it of palm trees, parrots and a yacht in the sunset. But I felt nothing. There was no sense of accomplishment, because I’d won it for being the worst singer at the Karaoke joint. I gave the bottle in a tin to the car guard and drove home alone. #fringetheartist