The last day of school

The last day of school was always a crisis for me. The rest of the school seemed to be on top of the world. And while the kleptomaniacs took the opportunity to stock up on stationery, I hovered in the background terrified that the kids would start autographing my crisp white shirt. I’ve always hated damaged clothing.

Some of the social stars were literally dripping with black ink. They thought that those friendships would last forever, and the slogans and bad sketches on their uniforms were like the primitive memes of the past.

I can’t imagine any of that stuff happening now. Children today really are little ladies and gentlemen — they don’t run around pushing people into swimming pools, even if they are hiding the fact that they are social media bullies online.

The weirdest part of growing older is suddenly being called uncle by children you’ve never met. You drift into a sort of neverland where you have to allow your little darlings to make their mistakes.

In the trees these days there are growing populations of rose ringed parakeets. These beautiful creatures once escaped their cages, and have become a terrible invasion that threatens the natural bird life. Sometimes one of them gets eaten by an owl. Otherwise they are free to wreak havoc wherever they live. Nowhere is safe. #fringetheartist