God bless chai seeds.

God bless chai seeds. They make boring drinks crunchy and clean out your arteries. And that’s it for those Mexican herbs. I can’t think what else they can do besides feed birds — birds with clean arteries. Otherwise chai seeds are completely tasteless.

A trip to the health store is a trip to the land of the bland. Tasteless additives for tasteful people.

I have started to take boron. That’s a mysterious substance found in apples. It regulates hormones and strengthens bones.

The scientific description goes like this: boron is found naturally in sedimentary rocks, oceans, coal, and some soils, primarily combined with oxygen in borate minerals like borax and colemanite. It’s living proof that we evolved from the elements, and that we can use the elements to boost our vigour.

I thought of a campaign for boron sceptics, to encourage the average browser who’s looking for something new to take, something that will have absolutely no negative effect on anything they already swallow. It goes like this: ‘Don’t be a moron, take your boron.’

Otherwise I tend to leave health shops empty-handed and in despair. I find comfort in seeing an empty medicine cabinet above my basin. I’ve been told that I ate a whole tube of toothpaste when I was a baby. I had to have my stomach pumped. I don’t know if they still do that.

An excess of fluoride can lower the amount of calcium and magnesium in the body. If that happens, amazingly, one may need to take a hefty dose of boron.

#fringetheartist